Here goes...

I met with my Oncologist on Tuesday, and told him why I was not terribly excited about more chemo. He was great, told me all about what he wanted to put me on, and accepted my decision to forgo further treatment. He understands this is not a curative path and that I am feeling pretty good and want to have quality of life. I met with hospice today, so all that is taken care of and I am at peace with my decision

I want everyone to know I am not giving up. I accept and pray for a miracle. I know the healing will not come from the chemo or the herbs or the rife or anything external. It will come from God.

I feel strong and healthy. I want my mind to be conscious and aware. This is the next chapter, and it is important that I face it with all my faculties intact....

Blessings to all
Dyal

It has been a while..

I have been remiss in not keeping the blog up to date, so here goes all the news that is fit to print from August till now.
The latest first: I had a PET scan on Wednesday, and got the results yesterday. The results are really disappointing. The tumor in my right lung has returned and is "extensive" The lymph in my chest and all the way into my right neck is involved. The doctor wants me on chemo, and I have not decided to do that. I am researching the drugs. I do not want to live the rest of my life sick. The medicine will not heal me, it may elongate my life, but I have to look at the side effects...

Last month I was in the hospital for a 5 day stay. I had a pleural effusion and had a hard time breathing, so a procedure was done to drain the fluid and I ended up with a chest tube. The hospital stay really kicked my butt. Right after I traveled to New England for Steve & Lynne's wedding. (Steve's son) It was really wonderful, and great to see New England again, the leaves and all the smells. We stayed at my dear friend Ree's place in Plymouth... Visited the family and had a nice time. When I got home, I crashed.

In September I had a followup MRI of the brain. The original tumor seems to be still "gone", just a bit of swelling. Unfortunately, the discovered three more tumors. They are really small, and they advised full brain radiation. I said no thanks. I will not put my head in the oven!!!

That is the bare bones. I am confused, disappointed, upset, and OK all at the same time. Quality of life is most important to me. Longevity does not seem to be in the cards, but as you all know I am totally open to a miracle.... Perhaps the miracle here is just to live in God's Grace. Each breath is a gift and each moment is an opportunity.

May you all be blessed. Lovingly Dyal Kaur (Martha)

Long Time, no see

Summer has taken me on a jolly ride! I was able to travel to California to see my family in June, and spent the first week of July in New Mexico at the ashram connecting with friends and taking the level 2 teacher training. That was very full week, very emotional and filled with transformation.
August 4 the new studio opened in Clearwater! Yoga Village is a reality, and it is a beautiful, warm and inviting space. I will be teaching there on Monday evening and Thursday morning. This Saturday we will be having a healing circle, so everyone is invited, it is free to all...
My health news is a bit disapointing. The latest pet scan shows some hot spots... they are really small, and the doctors are watching me closely. My naturopath is not really concerned, he says my blood is much cleaner and my immune system is coming back strong.
I plan on beginning to blog again often, so I hope to see you all soon... Much love. Martha

cycles

I have been thinking about how different the cycles of my life have become. When you are healthy, you never think about being sick or dying. Once the diagnosis of cancer clouds your life, every 3 months (or 6 or year...) you have to go and find out if the demon is back. I feel awesome. I do not feel sick at all, yet I wonder if the little cells are acting up. It is very disorienting and odd. I just have to live each day fully, which is what we have anyway, but it is just different now. I am running in seasonal cycles I guess.
Love to all.

Secrets

There is a wealth of things I think to say at night before I go to sleep, of course all of them are profound and delightful, and I can never remember them in the morning... What is that about? Friday night I was at a home concert for Bo Lozoff, and the discusion was about the popular film and book, The Secret. It was a really interesting conversation. I borrowed the film from a friend and watched it with several friends. At the time we all felt that the film certainly had a wonderful message of positive thinking, but that it put a whole lot of emphasis on the material trappings of success. We all felt it was rather shallow, but had a good message. Well, Bo really articulated the problem with the film in a way that made me sit up and take notice. His perspective was that the film teaches a very self centered and self aggrandizing path. The true path to liberation from the trappings of our physical existence is through SERVICE.
Food for thought at any rate and a valid point. Wealth is fine, but it is not the path to happiness...... Yogi Bhajan speaks of the 3 H's : Healthy, Happpy and Holy. I have certainly been given a second chance at health. Happiness and holiness are the other two componets that I seek to include in the overall health of my being. Not only thinking good and positive thoughts, but acting on them and living in the realm of the saints. How is that possible for any of us? I know that it is possible, and that rejecting the current emphasis on what our culture says will make us happy is part of it. I do not want to be a good little consumer of popular culture, and I believe it is a difficult path because we have to stay aware. Thank God for Kundalini Yoga, because it gives me the tools to stay aware.
Many blessings to you all. Dyal Kaur (Martha)

Rebirth

Every moment is a gift! I am beyond happy. Joy is a good word for what I feel. I hope that you all know that I could not have been healed without each and every one of you. My heart is overflowing. My beloved teacher Yogi Bhajan says that we will only reach universal consciousness through group consciousness and really this experience has taught me that lesson. Blessings and love to all.

Praise GOD!

Your prayers have been heard! My prayers have been answered! My PET scan came back today totally clear of cancer. THE TUMOR IS A MASS OF SCAR TISSUE!!!! The lymph is clear of cancer. There are no tumors anywhere else. I am so relieved, so happy, so thankful, so incredibly lucky and blessed. Thank you all for every prayer uttered, every positive thought, and every moment of support. I cannot even think straight I am so relived. Every moment is a gift, every breath is a miracle. The doctor was really great, he said he does not often get to give good news.... and mine is a miracle. Thank GOD! Once I process this, I will write more. Love to all, Peace to all, Health to all...