I do not know how this will sound, I pray that you all will take a deep breath and not think I have gone off the deep end... This is an incredibly profound and subltle shift. I was in prayer this morning and realized that much of what I face in my journey to health is from a simple but deep "misalilignment" of my self. The bottom line here is a sense of worth. I know everyone is saying "NO Way.." but YES. That is what it is. There is a subltle and significant sepatation that is self imposed that says everyone else is more important. I know I will never be the same. I also know that I will be better and healthier for it. I was contemplating the story of Jesus in the garden at Gethsemane, and relaized that he was given a similar choice, and he too wondered if the cup could pass from him. Was he, not from the external perspective of being the messiah and the son of God, but was he in his inner self and heart willing to accept this leap of faith, this cup of bitterness in order to really become his true self. I sure not saying I am being handed the same chalice. Still it gives me a sense of my own humanity to realize that even Christ was troubled by a sense of "can I do this thing that God asks of me?"
I do not fear death, on some level, I fear my own creative and alive self much more. This is my opportunity to give myself the gift of my true creative and god-given self. Each moment is new, each breath is a blessing, each thought is an opportunity to shift to a reality based on God and not on the lie that none of us is worth the happiness and love and joy that is to be found in the heart of hearts, deep within ourselves.
On a physical note, my energy is starting to come back, I feel so much better and grateful for the ability to move my bowels (Hey its important!) and eat healthy and nutritious food. I know this journey will take me along valleys and mountains and streams, so here goes....
Bless each and every one of you. Dyal Kaur (Martha)
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3 comments:
Hi Martha,
Have you read much on the process of "entering Christ Consciousness"?
It sounds to me as if that is what you are experiencing. It is most certainly a profound experience.
Love,
~Jen
Martha,
You looked radiant last night. Is it a coincidence that I said a short prayer for you on my way to Hot Yoga and then ran into you in the parking lot?
I do not know if you have a particular personal God that strengthens you and comforts you at this time. I see you are familiar with the teachings of Jesus. Jesus is, in fact, who I prayed to yesterday evening. I asked Him to make himself known to you so that you have the comfort of His friendship. And that if you have a different God, or another God, that Jesus talk to that God on my behalf and bring a request of healing for you. It was a goofy prayer, I admit. I'd never quite prayed like that. But I realize people have different belief systems and yet the end result is the same: Help me, Lord. And indeed He does, whatever His will. Keep up the good work, sister.
I treasure your use of the term, "misalignment". Everything in me resonants as you describe your experience and mention worth. My encounter with melanoma in the early 70s was a similar learning experience.
You are beside me. I am holding you in my heartlight as you come into alignment. Martha, you have given so much. Now, you will receive. --Rae
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