Wed the 28 of March

All is well. The Chemo last week really was difficult, I guess every time it is different. I am back to work this week and feeling a whole lot better. The healing on Saturday was awesome. I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system. I am tired, which the doctors tell me is normal. It is not very normal for me tho... My last radiation treatment was Monday. I am a graduate! Yippee. Blessings to all, Dyal Kaur (Martha)

Round 3 is behind me!

I am so glad this cycle is behind me. I had hoped it was going to go even easier than the last one, but I guess every chemo cycle has its own mind. Or maybe I have my own mind. I keep trying to find some logic to the process, and I thik I need to give that one up. Sometines there is no making any "sense" of things. Logic and understanding are a bit of a trap. Nothing is really linear in that way. God is a huge circle, round and plump, not a line from a to b and back again. So. I have survived, I will survive. Delete all cancer from my body, Chemo, do your thing, and I will just sit back and observe this play...
Love to all, Light to all, Peace to all...DyaL Kaur Martha

Round 3, Day 1

I'm glad the chemo is not like a professional boxing match... only 4 rounds for me and not 12! I continue to amaze the doctors. No horrible side effects, no pain, no pain medication etc. I know it is the fact that I continue to do yoga, meditate, and most importantly have faith. I have such incredible friends, students, clients, and family. Thank you all. I think somehow the reason I am not more "sensitive" to the chemo is that when we were growing up my mom had an almost pathological aversion to taking us to the doctor, so I was not one of those kids that got tons of antibiotics and medicine. Lois was big on more over the counter stuff...bandaids, calomine lotion and some wierd paste called KIP that was used for practically everything. So thanks mom, on some level I think I am tolerating this well because of you too...
Ruthie is leaving for Costa Rica tomorrow morning, and I am so happy for her and so sad for me. I will miss her. I will be visiting though as soon as they tell me I can fly! I want to see the pacific ocean and the whales and the beach and all wonders of a country with no standing army that can afford to offer really comprehensive health care to all who live there. hmmm
A cancer diagnosis really changes your life. I am of course stating the obvious here, but I mean it in a way that has to do with how you define your life. I am a yoga teacher, I am Lois's daughter and Rose's granddaughter, I am a healer, I am Steve's mate, Yogi Bhajan is my teacher and I am a cancer survivor. None of these things will ever change. All these things define who I am. My projection is shifting to include the cancer. I think that is what I was trying to get at when I struggled early on with the idea that I did not want to do violence to the cancer. No it is not my buddy or anything, I want it gone with the wind, but it has changed me in a positive way as well. I know I am strong, I know the power of prayer, and I know the teachings that Yogi Bhajan gave to us and jewels to be savored and shared.
Blessings to all, Dyal Kaur (Martha)

Tuesday March13

What is it about having something major go haywire in your life that brings about all the questions and memories? I have been thinking a lot about the idea of karma, and how I have created the cancer, am healing, and never want to have it take hold in my body again. So, what happened? What was it that made the enviromment for the cancer to grow. Scientifically, I know it has to do with certain chemical and genetic factors. I also know that emotionally and spiritually, there has been a disconnect in me. An unwillingness to let go of the past, and embrace myself as a whole and beautiful person. I think we all have memories of being lousy to someone, and we hold onto it. Let it go. There is no blame, we were foolish of ignorant or just plain selfish. We know better now. Each day, each breath is an opportunity to begin anew.. that is why yoga is a practice. I pray I may get it "right". Much love and prayers to all...Dyal Kaur (Martha)

Sunday March 11

After some deliberation, much discussion and a few times checking the weather, Steve and I decided to take Mahalo out over the weekend.... What a glorious planet we live on! First, the weather was perfect, there were not too many people on the intercoastal, and the air was so pure and clean. I slept a solid 12 hours Saturday night, and rose only once just in time to see the moon rise. A beautiful half moon all pinky on the horizon. I love the fact that I can see these things. We took a lovely walk on Anclote Key Sunday morning with Delilah among the sandpipers and shells.
I am looking forward to a productive and healthy week. I love the week before chemo. I feel strong and healthy. A friend told me last week to see the chemo as "Healing Elixir". OK. I think I can do that. The oncologist sure seems to think so. Only two more weeks of radiation, and I am free of that commitment. I feel like I am comming to another crossroad. I take the healing path!
Health to all, Love to all, Life to all, Dyal Kaur (Martha)

Thursday March 8

I cannot believe it is already Thursday....I am back to work this week. It feels so wonderful to have some sense of a regular life. Monday gave me the gift of teaching. I so miss it when I have the Chemo weeks, but I know it is best to rest and let my body recover from the onslaught of medicine. So, I am happy to be alive, thinking about the future, (mine and ours) and feeling the wonderful gift of free and easy breath in my body. Blessings to all, M

Sunday March 4, 2007

The healing circle last night was incredible! Everyone including me felt the power and energy of WAHE GURU! God is invincible. I slept very deeply and soundly last night, which I am sure is part of this wonderful healing. After the healing, the drumming was particularly powerful for me. I laid down and just absorbed the heartbeat of the drums. The fact that the cancer manifested close to my heart was not lost on me. Rhythum and vibration will heal it, remove it, neutralize it, and delete it. I continue to be amazed and grateful for all your support. Thanks as well to my dear friends in New Mexico for their wonderful healing yesterday as well. I am blessed with health. I am blessed with love and support. I am blessed by the breath of God. Every single one of you is blessed as well.