busy life, bad blogger

Greetings everyone. I have been busy getting ready for our 2 weeks vacation on the boat.... So I have been a bad blogger. I am feeling better everyday, and it is a constant struggle to not do too much. My stamina is really not up to snuff yet, and when I do too much, I pay for it. We were supposed to leave last night, but here it is Saturday and we are just now leaving. So, I will be gone for two weeks of hanging out on the boat in Charlotte Harbor. Steve and I both really need to get away and have some down time. blessings and love to all, and thanks for staying with me. Love, Martha

News from the Brain Doc

I had the MRI of the brain as a follow up to the gamma knife last friday so Tuesday I got the results... The brain tumor is GONE!!!! Yipee. I felt in my heart that it was a non-issue, but it is great to have confirmation of that. Steve and I have decided to take a vacation on Mahalo for the first two weeks of May, which is a lovely time to go Boca Grande. He has been so awsome, and really needs a vacation, and well, you can imagine how nice it will be for me to just veg and not have to worry about treatments.
One of the things that has been really on my mind is the powerful effect of memory. I realized when I was in the depths of things over these past weeks,that memory plays a huge part in how we view ourselves. There is a vibration or a image that is associated with deep memory, and sometimes it is very detrimental to our health. What I am talking about is the sort of thing that happens when we are young, an our parent says something like "You are dumb"... We remember it and if it is not released or transformed it just sits there with this awful message. Well, I dug up some really funky memories, and struggled with them for a few days. The yoga sutra says memory is the retention of experience. I pray I will hold on to the positive and creative experiences of this time in my life and continually let go of all the negative ones. The more we give energy to the negative, the stronger it gets. I am finding this really true of nausea..... UGH.
So, I hope to see everyone who can make it on Saturday for the healing circle at the Yoga Center at 7:00. I promise not to cry for the whole thing this time. I am feeling much better.
Blessings to all... Dyal Kaur

Chemo is done!

I am so relieved and happy that I am finally done with the chemo treatments. It is a happy day, and I am grateful beyond words. Kerrie, my friend from Boston was here and with me, so when I walked out of the office I burst into tears. It was so great to have the comfort of a friend... I feel strong, a little queasy today, but just so glad to have the chemo behind me. I am processing a lot of things at the moment, so once I get my thoughts together, I will share some of those things. For now I am so glad to be alive. Blessings to all, Dyal Kaur (Martha)

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone! I am feeling a whole lot better today. Yesterday Steve and I went on a nice walk on Honeymoon Island, and I was able to begin to express some of the dispair and sadness that has taken over my life for the past week. I know it is very important to stay positive and all, but when I had to cancel all my appointments on Thursday because I was just too wiped out, I sort of hit rock bottom. I felt worthless and sick. Luckily I have been able to begin to talk about this awful feeling, because it is shifting. I am not used to the feeling of depression, but here it is... Next week is my last 3 chemos, so today I am thinking positive and looking to the future beyond the treatment. Boy, people are really on target when they say the treatment is worse than the cure.
Please continue to pray for me. I really need it!
Bless you all!
Dyal Kaur (Martha)

It has been a week!

I cannot believe it has been an entire week since I have blogged... Nothing too much to report. I am suffering (or I should say Steve is suffering) from a relly nasty cough every night from the allergies due to pollen. I have never had this kind of thing before, but I guess this is the time for me to see what it is like to have seasonal allergies. NO FUN. I am trying to work as much as possible this week as it is the week before chemo, so I am focused on that. Also, the taxes are comming up very soon, so I am trying to get all that together. thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. Love, Martha